Artist of a Thousand Tasks

One woman's crazy quest to take on everything and become the ultimate jack-of-all-trades.

My Slightly- Unhealthy Relationship with Eggs

When I was in ninth grade my biology teacher showed us what happens if you soak an egg in vinegar for two days. For those of you who missed that one, it looks like this:

Pretty nifty, huh?

Pretty nifty, huh?

While my classmates were passing the egg around, it broke. As my biology teacher moved to throw it away, one of my classmates said, “I’ll eat it.” My teacher got a good chuckle and said, “I would pay $15 to see that.” I think my classmate could sense that something was amiss, because he backtracked pretty quickly. My teacher said that the offer stood to anyone who would eat the egg. She would let them cook it in the microwave and use salt.

Come on, people, how often does your biology teacher offer you $15 just to eat something- which is something that every teenager I have ever met is naturally good at? Remember that this is when Fear Factor was still on the air and eating weird stuff for money was a national pastime. Of COURSE I accepted her offer.

Fast forward a few minutes, and I am sitting in front of a vinegar-soaked pile of essentially scrambled egg. The smell of eggy vinegar wafted up toward my nostrils, and I steeled myself. One egg is pretty tiny, I reasoned. I raised the fork and took a bite.

To mimic the taste sensation that followed, you could get a sponge and soak that in vinegar then try eating it. That’s pretty much what it was like.

I managed to choke the whole thing down and I got my $15. I also got an hour in the nurses office with an upset stomach (which, as far as I was concerned, was a bonus, because who gets to nap in the middle of school?). What I did not anticipate was ruining eggs for myself forever. Fifteen years later, eggs still trigger my gag reflex every time. I know not every egg is soaked in vinegar, but I swear every egg smells like it was soaked in vinegar. It is a powerful olfactory memory, let me tell you.

My husband loves eggs.  He thinks they are the bees knees.  He thinks that no breakfast is complete without them, and that they are absolutely one of the most perfect nutritional foods on planet earth or possibly any other planet.  He thinks that they are an absolute necessity for any pregnant/nursing/dieting woman.  Unfortunately, science backs him up on this, especially since studies have debunked the only real problem anyone has suggested with eggs, namely: cholesterol.  This seems like a pretty good article for more info.  Especially read the part about eating more eggs to reduce your risk of heart disease.  There goes the only defense I had.

He is unsympathetic to my vinegar problem.

As a result of his insistence, I have been exploring egg dishes that I can force down.  I have found some that I even enjoy, like eggs Benedict.  I find that if: A. the egg doesn’t have that nasty, crunchy skin that sometimes forms and B. if it is mixed with other textures/flavors I can do it.  I am especially motivated to continue this quest because cereal just is not holding me to lunch these days.

Here was my breakfast this morning:

Helly my nemesis, we meet again...

Hello my nemesis, we meet again…

Here is how I felt sitting down for breakfast this morning:

For the glory of our pre-pregnancy jeans!

For the glory of our pre-pregnancy jeans!

And I did, in fact, consume these eggs in a basket*. And it is an hour later, and I am still not hungry. Victory is mine, but tomorrow is another day and another battle to fight. So let’s hear it, folks. What is your favorite non-eggy egg breakfast?

*I recently saw this dish referred to as “eggs in a hole.” This seems not only unflattering but completely unappetizing. I would make some joke about eating things you find in holes, but there is just no way that would end well. My husband calls this dish “eggs in a basket” and I submit that this is a far, far better name.

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5 comments on “My Slightly- Unhealthy Relationship with Eggs

  1. thewhittymom
    March 15, 2013

    Hats off to you and your will to get $15!

  2. rexlogan
    March 16, 2013

    Hmm. That’s what I always called toad in the hole. All my favourite egg dishes are just eggs, but I’d suggest either skilleting (scrambled but then combine with your sausages, bacon, hashbrowns and so on) or basting (in a pan but with a lid; it cooks the top faster which reduces your odds of ‘crisping’ the edges in your effort to finish the top)
    Fun fact: using water instead of milk results in fluffier scrambles eggs.

  3. Breakfast burritos. Everything is delicious when wrapped up in a tortilla.

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This entry was posted on March 15, 2013 by in Fitness, Food and tagged , , , , , , , .